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The life of a Hanoub

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17th March 2007

2:01am: .
2:00am: it's 2 am
2:00am: .

31st December 2005

2:36pm: Have a New Year
2005 was about a girl.

resolutions

-be on time (to everything)
-don't kiss and tell so much
-focus less on vanity
-take more photos

See 'yall in the future!

29th December 2005

6:53pm: I'm excited. I go back to school so soon. And then Alicia's getting replaced, by who? I don't know. I'm glad she is. And I hope this new roomate is better than her. But I also wish it could just be Ash and me. We get along well and have all these ideas on what to do with Alicia's space - like put together an entertainment center and extend our closets and shoe space.

I'm thinking about how I left my dorm, what it needs to be organized and how I have to put back all my clothes (that I threw on my bed in an absolute frenzy.

I think this time, we need shower curtains. A rug.... which would be an absolute inconveniece getting in but would dramatically improve our dorm life for the better once it's in place.

27th December 2005

1:42am: I'm trying to run away from it all like it doesn't exist

Been home for the holidays...

I've been real good on ignoring stress and being care-free but rather avoident of anything that might make me feel bad... but I've realized I can't run away from my problem as all my fears and anxieties come out in my sleep. And they are there. It shows... with my diminishing immune system and constant sickness and night mares. I have bad dreams about school. They haven't contacted me about my financial concerns. I'm not really expelled I hope. And what about my friends? What about my stuff? And my future? These all become issues in my dreams.

Last night I went back to school, I was walking through a bar and had no friends. I walked to a beach and wanted to surf with this familiar girl but the waves kept swallowing me and tsunami came the girl was upset about her cell phone being washed away. I entered a contest for starving art students and won 10,000 dollars for my dorm and figured it would solve all my problems. I had problems signing back in however. I found out they had changed all the dorms around and I feared facing the person in room 231 when I had to get my stuff. I found Ashley in room 5 and tried to move my stuff there. For some reason, when I entered my old room there wa a dead owl laying on all my clothes. It smelled. The girl in the was not thrilled at all.

So my holiday job is thru. It was real fun. I've been watching documentaries all day. I'm a realy documentry person I find it fascinating. I'm especially interested in cultural flicks and political/religious kinds and documentries about women's issues and natural disaster/science and acrcheological films. Things I can't even spell. Yeah so I have a lot of interesting topics of conversation to bring about a dinner table I guess.

Christmas was cool. I got a record player. Best gift ever!! It was from my Aunt. This year she did well on gifts, I got a lot of vintage clothes from her and then she presented me with this huge box. I knew what it was.... I had been asking for such a thing for, what, three years now? My record player is from the 50's in a wooden case with wicker woven sides, and plays perfectly. It's beautiful!! Mint condition and all. I got some 50's swing and cha-cha records. So I was swing dancing. I can't wait to hit up a record shop. I'm thinking some Bob Marley, some jazz, some bollywood, ect. I got Apples to Apples, some clothes, and edible body products. I didn't get DJ decks. Figures, my parents are too parently they don't support things like the night life entertainment industry (not stripping, Deejaying!!), nor travel or self discovery or anythign that involves leaving the house.

I figure I have to make a choice:

Do I want an interesting life? Or a safe life?

I'm so safe right now. so safe I'm bored and boring and I am not suicidal but I know it would be in better interest if I just entook my so-called life. If I stay 'safe' it will be a slow walk on this road of life and i will end up nowhere.

I need to be drunk more often.

I was thinking if I helped out at some senior citezen home's 1920's themed New Years party, it would make me feel good. It would make me feel good doing something around here that is time-worthy and altruistic. The 20's are so me. Up until the point of black tuesday... the 20's had everythign I think life should have. Glamour, fun, dancing, a youth that defied the standards and opression of their elders. Aty this point however, I feel like I've gone backwards from my 'elders'. My parents had a better life than mine by the time they were my age.... of cuorse they made ends meat and I get, materialistically, almost everything I want and they think that's all that matters. But they lived in a beat generation, or the hippy generation, and were nomadic. World travelers. Oh god what kind of generations are there now?

The internet generation. The porn generation. The sex generation. The pop generation. That what my era brings about I guess. I need to find my own generation!

So I think it's easier to say I will see the west of America, or see another country. My parents won't support me for any of that. They won't support my decision to take a semester off and live and work in NY. So I know without their help I may not eat. I don't care about food. I won't be able to shop! But I have enough of a fabulous wardrobe. I was fucking counting on CD decks and Deejay equiptment. It's a new discovered talent I have. Another thing I could make money of and use to gratify my life. UGH, nothing.


3rd December 2005

8:24pm: computer technology
To: Nathan H

wow awesome call me!! Give me your home address I'm making my friend a birthday card and I thought I might as well make other friends cards and mail them. It's cool getting mail. Ever since the internet, I haven't gotten any mail since I was 8. Credit cards and college admissions letters don't count!!



P.S Today was my first day of work. Ever. I'll gather stories from my observations of the public.
Current Mood: jhgjg

25th November 2005

2:36am: New York, yo
Well cheers I'm back in NY!

Getting here was a hassle. I need to pack lightly. I transfered through four airports carrying bags equal to my weight I believe. When I arrived in New York I stood around in my striped taditional mountain skirt, leggings, green socks, red sparkly slippers (from the savannah beauty shop!) a sweater, a purple fur coat, a muff, and ear warmers. So I got hit on by pedophiles and perverts and people giving me funny looks, as I stood by my two carry bags, my giant iffy orange suitcase I bought the night before (no one else would have an ostantasious orange bag!) and my round traveler of cuorse! Gosh I'm so fabulous. If I had on one green sock and one blue perhaps, it'd be like the creme de la creme of crazed new yorker coming back from art school style.

Emm the ny air hit me like darts would. When I go back to georgia (which was just recovering from a cold front of 50/60 degree weather) it will feel like paradise and I will be ready to prance around town and bike all over enjoying the scenery again.

I miss rosie my bike T__T

I miss everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm here until January 2cnd depending on how the job situation goes and how much I will tolerate being here.

Everything is different. I didn't even recognize my house! I keep staring at my bathroom sink like woah. It's off white. and small and round. And not covered in paints!!!

My parents got a new shower head but didn't fix the shower. So There's still no hot water. I took a shower this mornign because I was cold and dirty and I sobbed and despit how ugly my dorm shower was I missed it for it's impeccibly hot water. Honestly I want to take a shower in a shower whose water is WARMER than the air. Fuck.

My room was welcoming, despite the air conditioner still intact (FUCK) and stuff all over my drawers and shelves and no place to put candles (I need about twenty to heat that place up). My room was clean. And the bed is low to the ground I kept thinking wow it's so low. I can just get in bed. I can fall in bed. I don't have to climb from chair to stool to bed risking my life. (And how impossible that is to do when your drunk I imagine. I wouldn't know I never slept in my bed when I was drunk.) And how I can toss and turn as much as I like with out risking my life. And risking my blankets and pillows plumeting 5 feet to the floor.

OH and I can blast music loudly and dance all I want again. I'd say my dorm neighbors frown upon me, especially the people that live below me!!!!! Hahaha the guy below us from brooklyn told ashley (You why you be makin all dat noise up der? whatsup whatsup?" (He likes to talk all New Yowrk like)

My first meal was at the Persian Grille YESSSSS YUM

Than today was my first home cooked meal and I haven't eaten so well in so long - I had spinace, veggie stuffing, carrots, feta and olives, turnips, mashed potatoes, broccoli and cheese, breads, pumkin pie, ect...

So dinner was fun. Thanksgiving is such a movie/show day. It's the day all the holiday films begin and I watch the dog shows and all, and this is the first year I didn't wake up early. I was like fuck it I need to get two days worth of sleep in one go!! (I didn't sleep for ever. I just stayed up, packing, loitering, bidding my adiues, and waiting at the airport)

I was a breach to security at the airport. I went off under the alarm it was my bracelets I swear, I said I'll just take these off, but he made me get a full body check and some nasty lady called me a terrorist. I was so maddened. I felt exploited. I fucking hate airports like nothing else right now. I never been so stressed that day. Whatever it's their job to explot people and work with the government making sure I might not be the next one on with a bomb or some fucked up shit like that. And I kept think about the last time I took an flight anywere - 2001 right before freshman year in high school right before 9/11. And I though OMFG we are so doomed. They liked to have killed off many americans and give us a 'wake up call' like "You are too free spirited and arrogant and think your all that we're gonna kill some of 'yall" so ugh our response? To do a 180. Yeah I just thought America needs to fucking chill. But life will be so anal around this planet until it is destroyed. I just got all frustrated right then. I was headed towards the 'tightened security check anyway' as I couldn't find my US licsenced ID, and I was right in line with my neighbor from Norway and some student from Inida, it's a line for all the Non-Americans ass well. "They just don't trust us round here - we are like threats to the country not being from it" Well anyone is a threat to this country because it leaves itself so extravagant. It's not because America is so 'corrupt' has nothing to do with our multi-billion dollar porn industry, 12 years olds dressing like hookers, various religious and secular backround, or any other things of the sort - it's because we are extravagant. An nosey and ect. Can't the country just take the back road, and just lay back for a while? Hopefully we could go invisible and people will be like "Oh yeah America... who care's about them man? It's all good"

Well whatever. I'm not a fucking terrorist. I had secret desire to slap that maggot of a human!!!! FUCK HER.

Well now that I got that out of my system. I think I'm allergic to New York. Ever since I;ve been here my face began peeling, especially my under eye it's all red and burning. My nose is red (tis the holiday season however), I can't stop sneazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And cough sometimes.

It's all good.

Happy thanksgiving!

I love getting hugs!
Current Mood: accomplished

18th November 2005

12:17am: art school sluts

17th November 2005

6:32pm: I'm in the computer lab because my laptop officially doesn't work, and was kicked off my bed on accident and it's a very long story as to why it was kicked off my bed..... but it was. And it didn't make any difference. Well computer labs are hip, they are social places so I don't feel like a hermit while I'm in my stuffy room for hours writing an essay. Also these computers are stable, they aren't going to end up eating my essay after three hours of work.

I'm designing a board game for 2-D design my theme is dressing up and it's called 'Out of the closet' because my friend said if some guy plays this game, it's like coming out of the closet. The point of the game... is to start of with a scantily clad woman of your choice and throughout the game collect/buy peices of clothing to dress them up in, whoever has the most extensive wardrobe buy the end of the game wins. Pierre in my class is a laugh he said, ahh and the second time you play it's all about getting the clothes off.

Well that class is a laugh and the teacher hates me flirting with boys. So I sit alone and exchange sultry galnces. I had a lot of fun making up the cards to my game last time, I had to hold back laughs as my game is so going to be like something you played when you were 9 in the 90's and were really shallow. I laugh because I'm not THAT shallow. But well there are 'call cards' where you get phone calls from your friends, all of them have names like tracey, stacy, brad, jeff, mike, joey, Jamie, Tim, Esther, Theresa, and Jack.... names of the 90's.

"Oooh It's Brad on the phone! He wants to take you salsa dancing!! Lose next turn to dance the night away!"

"It's Tracey she's having boy problems again."

"AHH Hang up it's a telemarketer!!!"


Ect....

This is the last weekend in Savannah. I am soooo sad. Saturday I'm invited to a dinner party, and everyone is bringing food to cook at James' place. I was thinking of a dessert, a Meckowiec which is ethnic and amazing so I'd have no idea where to find such a thing.

I went to the international food festival. Ate rices from at least 9 different countires and they got mixed together and it was the best thing I ever ate. It's like fusion, it's like me! I danced it up. Fabien was there photographing for the Carribean student society. I bhangra danced and all my friends left but I was like trying to fit in and be like "Heyyy let me in the circle!!" lol uhhh it was most fun ever!!! I know all the moves, to, like, everything. I'll show them off when I get back home.

I'm going to sleep a lot in NY. I go to bed mostly at 7 am here on the weekends. Yes you think, what the f*ck do you do until 7 am?? What DON'T we do????? Ay!! We = me and whoever I'm with. Last weekend, I snuck into a christmas party. There was drinking and smoking ilegal substances and I was molested by every drunk guy around, and I was apathetically sober. I thought "I'm not going to waste so much energy on getting a cup so I can drink some beer". That party was busted by the cops. Nick (the guy every girl likes) carried me out I don't know why. This other Nick was hot for me. All the guys named nick were. I was lost. We feared Matt got arrested he drove us. He comes strolling by as we are all about to leave stuffed into one guys car "I was talking to some hot asian chick". UHHHHHHHHHH

We went back to James place but there was one roomate trying to sleep and one other roomate who was a birthday girl have noisey sex and the rest of us sitting around drinking beer and me drinking some amaretto something because I refuse to drink anything that tastes like
1. cement
2. a card board box
3. envelope adhesive (the unsweetened kind)

So we were tipsy, minuse Justin, Daniella, and Adia who were smashed... and we were all talking about fantasies I thought "I'm too sober for this." I was too sober for all I did that night but whatever.

whatever whatever it was fun

we drove to the beach. I sat in back, with the three drunks Adia Daniella and Justin......... they all made out and tried to get me to join. but I wouldn't so they pushed me off the seat. I sort of ended up half on the floor, half in the front with Nick who was caressing my legs and I was thinking why do guys like my legs so much?? Welllllllllll the beach at night is wonderful you could see the islands and the water all the way out and starriness. I ran around the beach with Nick and danced when my cell phone went off. I kissed him, but Daniella likes him. And so does everyother girl. I'm giving up my crush on him because he dated a blond and he's overrated I'm sure. I don't know him really. I see him whenever I hang out with justing and give him these flirty looks whenever I do. I kissed another nick. In the sand. and then afterwards Nick, Daniella, Matt, Callie, and Me got the munchies and went to waffel house. Saw the shday crowd there, said 'well fuckt hat' and went across the street to pancake palace. They have better pancakes. I'm fucking broke like a hobo. So I mooched. Callie Daniella also did. We are starving students.

My muff, and my fur jacket get me more attention that night than I ever got in my life. But I'm having such dilemmas over the topic of boys sex and my self-image. I don't have a bad self-image, I might be losing my self-respect the more and more rendevous I go through. I see myself merely as a pretty face and the only thing I can relate to with guys is sex. And that has given me a complex. I managed to establish some friendships, but I am used by guys..... if they can't have it all they don't want it at all. "Sorry I just wanted to have sex with you because you are so hot" and "You'll have it so hard being a virgin" some guy asked me if I'd let him devirginize me!!! WHAT?? Noo it's not a penny to just throw of the floor, wtf. I feel like a sex object. I really need to start caring for myself more like I use to. I'm good at getting over guys who did me wrong but really I do get let down, and I let myself down, being such a pimp and going for playboys and ect. I knew one day I'd have the power to get any guy I want.... and it's like a complete 180 from high school.

My life is bizzare. I'M SO HUNGRY, So I am going to go before 2D design.

28th October 2005

3:06am: I',m ant Justins we just got and im like sooooo drunk man...... OMG hahahahgahahahahahah !!!!!!!!!! It's been so fun. Natrhan and I went to carlitos and I ddrank a gros anmaragarita so fast and thenb got back and saw a hot mike niot the mike from long island but the hot waon and (hahaha I spelled that worng) and nathan said "Ohhhh ha na thewres Mike Whaidnad that you facebooked! And you sent a fascebook message to!" And I wasd likje dying of em,braessment even if I was tipsy anbd lights were blu7rry and I was li8ke "Umm I didnt send hgim a message" and hes like "You facebookecd him" and Im ;liker "Yes hi!!!!!" AND HE JUST LOOKED AT M EE WEIRD AND THIS GUY WAS LIKE Im from long ils and and I jknow your cousin yasmie and he's like Jasime and Im like nooooo Yasnmine~~!!!!!!!! From West hampton they arw both from west hampton....... only i don't have a cousin from west hampton fro,m named Yasmi9ne hahahahahahahahahaa

The3 aty trhe club wiuth nate and justin we were dancinbg and I was tryin g to get a buzz but it came after we left we met a hot asian girl named nsss like haapiness and dancec with her and I was sobver still be IUm like so drunk on long island icer tea and sexz on the beach I had swex on the beach tweice baby. I fell down a HILL TOOO/ MY BODY IS LIKE AN AMREOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. UHHH FEELIN SO GOOD. GONNA DANCE AT JUSTINSA TOOMMM ,BYYYYYYYYY

25th October 2005

1:41am: Gender Benders + rose petal sprinkled parks
Last night Nathan and I went to the gender bender. Nathan dressed in my gold beaded dress and wore my platinum blonde wig and cowebow hat. I had a boring time dressing like a guy. Nathan won the Party Girl award.

The party was meant to be a taste into the transgender culture, to help scad students become more aware and accepting. I'd say those that were there we already aware and accepting and more because it takes fun and daring people to gender bender. There were only about 70 kids. It was a lot of fun. There were lip sycnhing performances done by 'Melinda Cinnabar' and Nev who was so sexy when he lip sycnhed that song L O V E.

Melinda kept getting into sissy fights with her competition the punk drag queen who wore a red stripe shirt, black skirt, black boots, and red striped knee-highs with blue eye shadow. They were chasing eachother around stage and Melinda kept tripping in her sparkling red diva shoes. There were hot girls there - and by this I mean they were dressed as metrosexual men and already androgynous as it is and were hot I wanted to makeout with them but they were girls!! That amused me.

There was a black girl who was 'best of both world' with a painted uni-brow, and mustache and beard, but with a hot mini skirt, boots, and white tank top. She had dreadlocks in a pony tail and kept getting into fights with all the girls. It was so funny. She lip synced to this song 'My hump" it's like My hump my hump my lovely lady hump goes bump da bump or something. LOL Omg she danced really provacatively. Than some guy, tall dark and handsom, in amazing pants and a striped button down shirt and I am positive it was a guy, joined in and I was like uhhhhhhhh yum.

There were girls as guys who were really hot guys. I wanted to makeout with them. They are andygonous in general so I always see them as good looking, yeah, it's weird. Maybe I'd makeout with a manly girl. A classy manly girl, one that wears suits and stuff.

I felt unsexier than ever as a guy. There's nothing fun about being a regualr guy. Maybe if I had dressed in a suit. Or had more time and come up with a pimp outfit. I don't know. But as a joke I was hitting on the girls as guys. "Yo sexy thing" "I lost my number can I have yours" "Hey my name is Chaz".

There was a skinny skinny boy with his hair in pig tails and a grizzly beard and he was wearing a black skirt, and acting really ditzy and showing people his glittery thong!! It was soo funny. He had a pink corset on too.

Nathan still refuses he's gay. He said it was a 2 second phase even though I know he's watching that movie where those three guys get it on under a waterfall. He rented some gay porns. But he isn't gay. He likes to point out hot men but he corrects himself by saying "I mean for you, he's hot for you" and I say "he's more your type..."
"Hana!!! You know I'm not like that anymore!! Ugh!!!!!!"

But he's the best party girl. Nev is the Scad king and Jacob is the Scad Queen and Nathan pouted and said "I want to be queen!!" Uh huh.

I couldn't get Nathan to sign up to support the transgender dorm community petition if 50 people sign to be in the transgender dorm they will provide a transgender dorm community. I signed up. That dorm will have the best parties!!!!!

I wanted to show justin my outfit - baggyish jeans, sneakers, and a NY yankee jerey. He had a NY yankee jersey and jeans he gave me to look even more gangster. I had to hold the crotch part up because it was chaffing my thighs but that was gangster. I saw James and was like "Yo" and he said "Yo Hana, missed you in 2d design last week - yo"

"Yeah I was sick I mean Yo I was mad ill what went down that day?"

"We are doing political posters need three paints but they can't be spray paints yo"

(Holding up three fingers)

"Oh man three paints you. Three that's this many. Word. No spray paint, word mannnnnn."

And I showed him how I dance like a guy. Which is me just stomping about trying not to move my hips, and hip-hopping. Think Missy Elliot, only not choreographed.

Yeah recapping that conversation made it seem duller than it really was, but it wasn't at all. James is my latest crush. Miles did I mention? Made out with two girls in a parking lot from some party. That's more than I did with him durin the two weeks we were having our sweet, humble, modest, snail-paced romance. Yeah. fack him. He's off my AIM buddy list and out of my cell phone. OH! SNAP!! Blacklisted!!

James is the worldly studly architect who has the southern/british accent, blonde hair, wears cashmere, well-traveled, and brilliant at 2-d design, he's good at holding a conversation. I ran into him at bthe jazz orchestra concert/picnic in the park, the pizza place, the poetry reading, and he works at my favorite restaurant in town!!!! He's funny. And I hear him talking about how he thinks Winona Ryder is the sexiest celebrity ever. Which to me, after having billions of people tell me I look like her, was like jajhdfkjuhgjkdhgehfkwjhfg,mgbnmdfgbhjkgbdnbjahbrfnmewrbdjfghnjkshfgerjng AHHHHH. LOL. Ugh. I almost started to blurt out "Oh everyone says I look like her" but yeah I just burned up inside and pretended not to notice. Or maybe he's serious and likes older women and doesn't see a resemblance. I don't know.

The city is so fabulous I'm not taking it for granted. I spend mopst of my time out doors and out of the dorm because Weston is in the bad side of town, sorry, there's nothing down this hill except a bridge that has a great view of that other bridge. I bike everywhere, I'm getting good at it I even know how to dodge agressive drivers. A couple of guys were shot and killed at the bus station outside oglethorp dorm. Just a small concern living in such a city. Actually Savannah has America's #2 highest crime rates. I've heard stories. They take place outside the crime, I mean 'time saver' which is just a street to the left and then a few streets down from dyson. Rapes. Drugs. Killings. Shootings. Stabbings. Gangs. prostitution. Killings that happen at 10 oclock in the morning. Ect. It's a fucken gas station for truckers and the low income housing sheds nest behind it. There are about 4 families living in each of those houses and I've seen the house it's like a 1920's NY tenement. AYAYAYA. So I use my sense, and hope I don't become a casualty of the southern city or a victim of mugging like many people this year that I know have already.

In the day Savannah is completely different. At night it's a 180, but in the day you want to walk around forever. It's a town for lovers. I've been by many weddings. 7 weddings this saturday. I biked past the fountain at forsyth park and the ground was covered in rose petals and someone was playing the harp and the mandolin it was like I wasn't even in America. Everything is so beautiful.
1:35am: This is for my phychology project. I just read what I wrote and I hope I have what I want one day:


I am working out many relationship issues in my family. A lot of family I never see. I'm afraid to lose my family during college and after college. People live in random places and it's hard to keep in touch. I am out of New York and don't want to go back really, but it's hard because that is where my close family is. I have just started enjoying the idea of marriage, for years I have shunned the thought of it entirely until I found love. My parents married soon - my mom was 18, and I asked her if marriying young had opressed her in any way. I want to have all the romance and experience my parents had but not be commited to anything as soon. But I think marriage shouldn't be about the american dream that's boring and typical and why there are so many divorces maybe. Everyday should be unexpected, imaginative, romantic, husbands and wives should not delve into 9-5 jobs and the ordinary, they need to live together not just in a house but in life. Then they'll really have love. And when they've lived their lives to the fullest then settle down in that house and that steady income-earning job that will provide for kids and their pricey needs.

2.The more I saw members of my family, the more comfortable I am with them, the more myself I am with them. My parents, closest cousins aunts and uncles, and the house guests I've had are the only people I am completely myself around. I have no worries being crazy and funny and no concern with being polite and perfect around those few people. However I am shy around many of the people in my family also. They won't know any of my flaws - like my selfish tantrums, messy room, and apathy. I put on a facad to seem polite, caring, and sympathetic especially at my father's family because they are all much like that. They are all traditional, worldy, kind, quaint, conservative, ect I know if they saw the real me they'd shun me as some moon-ridden demonic diva. My mother's family I don't see
much of at all but she has five sisters each i've met at least a couple of times and they are all moon-ridden demonic divas sort of, it runs in the family.

11th October 2005

9:52pm: My friends and I are road tripping to Florida baby!

I went on a date with Nathan and his date. We kind of freaked him out, especially when it came to lip singing into the salt and peper shakers to songs from the 90's. Ahhh Nathan and I are two peas in a pod, we are girlfriends I said and Nathan got soo mad and his date fell over laughing. I also finally went down to the river and had Ben and Jerry's.

We are going to St. Augestine.

Nathan wants to bring Craig (his boyfriend) but after toniht he's not sure if Craig will ever talk to him again haha.

I asked Miles if he's ever been to St. Augestine but he had to go. Nathan said he should go, Katie and Ryan and we joke that they'd never leave the hotel, and Megan and Kristen and anyone else. I want to have more heterosexual guys friends, I honestly do.

James is my friend now. From 2d-design. We got projects today where we were given words and we have to create non-iconographic art to represent our word.

My Word: Perverse.

I think my teacher reads my journals!!

James got Steril. He's great at design. Phillip from Switzerland got voluptuous the ultimate word and he had a hard time understanding it lol. "I don't know what it means!?" So we told him to visualize the curves of a woman not to thin not too fat who is beautiful.

My word made me think of Salad Fingers, the cartoon I saw with Miles, Katie, Nathan, and Ryan. Katie kept making us watch this really creepy disturbing cartoon lol. I'm basing my 2-d design project off of salad fingers.

"bleh, hubert cumberdale you taste like soot and poo."
10:45am: Picnics in the Park

Why does Steve like me so much? Why does he like me more than anyguy. Why can't Miles like me the way Steve does. Uh.

But why do they put all their cheese on  me. UH. There should be a cheese police.


Steve: I had chinese :-P

Auto response from GoDDeSSHani: Sub Shop  ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

GoDDeSSHani: ew on broughton??
Steve: shut up lol...its was effin good
GoDDeSSHani: eww
GoDDeSSHani: uhh
GoDDeSSHani: lucky you aren't dead yet
GoDDeSSHani: wait 12 - 24 hours. it'll kick in
GoDDeSSHani: I saw on Henry St and Abercorn a chinese takeout house that said 'New York style" I'm like NY STYLE chinese food f*ck yeah! I have to get there some how, and see if they walk their talk.

Steve: man, Im tired...layin here in bed wihish u were here to cuddle with

 


WTF is that??????

I don't know what to say! I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like steve as a friend but him being so obsessed with me is turning me off. He'd be one of those smothereres if I dated him he'd suffocate me, smother me with love and compliments and chocolate covered cheese and always want to evolve his life around me and be with me 24/7  to the point where I'm about to throw myself over the turner bridge and hope to die just to get away from him!!!!

Oh, phew *deep breath*


I'm about to offend steve by telling him he's not cuddle worthy. Not so deliberatly though......


Anyway.

This is the cutee of the week: Miles. I have a bigger crush on him than any other boy yet. I don't even know why. He is a very mixed, hard to read guy. Like most guys are. He is also very shy. And embaressed to dance. He asked me to teach him latin dance moves and he was soo shy he said he just wanted to watch me! He ranges fro avoiding me to sultry eye contact and smiles and touching my arm r shoulders. But I think, personally, he's atracted to me; thinks I'm pretty, just doesn't like my personality lol. I don't know how to act around fellow introverts.... we'll both be shy and not talk at all!!!! And tis so dull. Or I am around Nathan and he's like a bottle of vodka the way his energy rubs off on people I'll be too talkative and bouncy.

OH GOD. Steve is asking about a dinner/movie. How I hate thy combonation.

I went to Forsyth park for the picnic in the park where they had a jazz band and a couple of orchestras. It was the only beautiful day this week. Megan and I were hanging out planning on walking there when I invited Miles. We went with his roomate picked Katie up (me fellow party girl) and laid out my flowered sheet, slambooks, oranges, and cheese-its. We both have the love of cheese-is in common!!! The hottest studs from my 2d-design class (the class of hot guys and 4 girls) are friends with Miles and hung out with us. Now I have new friends: James from Atlanta Georgia who's livied in England and Spain, and Phillip from Switzerland.

The music was wonderful. The jazz band played my song, A Night in Tunisia. And they played Moon river. A saxist/singer boy started to sing he had a wonderful voice and the ladies went oooooooohhhhh and Megan and I thought he was studly. But it was a high school jazz band. We're like "Fuck he's probably 14 " LMAO. 

Here I am

So this is Miles and me <3

 

You know I hate boys. My theory about them is right: They see girls like me as peices of meat. It could be my fault for being so shy but looking pretty to them, I am just looks and nothing else. So they want you to cuddle and shit but to be friends: ohhh noooooooo. Fuck if I ever have a friend of the opposite sex who's just a FRIEND and isn't gay. It will never happen. And with they way boys are I'll die old and alone in a house on a hill with 30 cats that will eat at my body.

Steve thinks he's all mature and shit being a 19 year old DJ who spins at an adult wine bar - but he is so naive and lame. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's freaking me out too always wanting to be alone with me and doesn't want to hang out with my friends. WTF. I am creeped out.

Today I walked around a lot. In painful but cute shoes and my gold sparkled tutu. I ate pizza at Fat Pats because I'm sick of Rude Rudees and Fat Pats claims to be New York style. I waltzed in expecting to find pizzas with broccoli and white pizzas and calzones and be greeted by a New Yorker and express my reliefe at finding something relative to home. It was dismal. They only put it on your pizza if you order a pie. And I looked at the pizza the slices  they were hand sized. Jumbo slices advertised down here - jumbo in savannah is barely a mouthful. I'd hate to see a regular slize! The guy was fat pat  the skinny Indian but was interesting though not a New Yorker. And he was talking to this land owner about buying land for his Hindu Temple that has worship every sunday.

So I don't know if I told you but Ashley works at Metro coffee house now! I got her addicted to bubble tea and she loves it so much she now earns her living making it!! And she's a virginian and knows more about bubble tea than me! Miles was all for trying it he's bold and brave - he went for green apple. We exchanged flavors half way through too. I had blue hawaii of cuorse. There's a new flavor - Avocado!!! I'll try that next.

I ran into Amy someone I met during my summer trip here twice today!! Once walking around and once at starbucks! I walked to see if any nice places were hiring. I talked to John the awesome and rather sexy man in black with long wavy brown hair who wears a top hat around and unicycles lol. Everytime we meet we greet eachother in French for some reason or in shakespearean voices. He says it's Hana my lovely fair maiden!! And I say oohhh Bonjour Misour John!!!!  and I always tell him I am fabulous or splendid or anything of the sort. He got me hooked on a new Ben and Jerry's flavor today when I saw him, and we talked about finding jobs - he's put in a application at the upscale italian restaurant. That'd be perfect for him! He'd be sexy as an upscale italian waiter. He said I should fill out an aplication and we'd work together!

People imagine me working at the Casbah. One day when I'm better at belly dance I will belly dance there no doubt.

 And dance with swords on my head.

And go by the name Naksidihl Ahmed or maybe Amira Hamoud. Noo no no something really appealing to tourists willing to spend 19 dollars on a late of cous-cous. Like Nefertiti Shabazz. I think Neferiti is taken by that missisipian bellydancer.

I'd see all the kids from SCAD there smoking the hookahs. And I'd shimmy over to the old men from the midwest and get lots of tips in my hip scarves. LOL it's that kind of place.

I've tried really hard to dance my way into Miles' heart. It works with every other guy in Savannah. Men here are easy. He has to come to Tropicana. He almost did last saturday but skipped out on the girls and went to a fricken house party. Megan and Kristen and I got sexually harassed on the streets that night by every drunk guy. I stood out with my brilliant sexy red long flamenco dress, red espadrilles, and my jet black hair in a bun with a red polkadot flower. I looked so sexy and wanted to get Mile's attention especially since the night before he told me his favorite color is red. He loves red everything. I felt really bummed.

 But I saw Adison - the dishy owner of Tropicana I am on first name basis with - and he gave me a hug as I left. One day I will want him to dance with me, when I' really good at couple dancing, but he's so busy. I just foudn out Adison is a SCAD sophmore!! I'm going to facebook him lmao.  Adison told me that their full house is fridays and us girls should go then. Also he talked about up-coming dance lessons and dance competitions!!

We went for night sushi at 2 am! Kristen never had any before and she loved it!

As I walked back to Turner Annex with Megan and Kristen, Miles messaged me. He sent me a pretty smooth message after I told him I was still wide awake and with nothing to do. Megan and I got really excited!! He's like "You want to hang over here for a bit, you could show me how to latin dance"

I went to his room fearing he'd be drunk and kind of questioning my stupidity, after I ran into his roomate really drunk who said "Hey Hanaaaaa Give me a hug girl!" who was going to sleepover with Katie. Ahh he was sober and he was the designated driver ^__^ He doesn't smoke. I told him about what he missed, about the three drunk guys who said

"Hey man there's girls! A tall one for meee and medium one for you and there's even a short one for you!!" hahaha.

He showed me latin songs he was downloading and we danced to Suavemente. He got really embaressed about dancing and kept running to the corner of his bed to hide under his pillows lol.

He said he just liked watching me dance. I did for a while I love dancing and I feel so silly. I should be more seductive. I AM seductive, but I should've made a move!!!!!! So nothing happened, and he didn't hug me that night.

Maybe he's confused by me too. I can play hard to get, or just prude, or maybe it's due to my lakc of inexperiance. He plays hard to get. That is hard. If we both do that then there's nothing to get!

Ohh.

I found my male models. Fabien and his roomate. They are both from Haiti. And I run into them a lot lately. Both sooo beautiful. Fabien is French and Haitian. He has caramel skin and curly caramel reddish blonde hair, and green eyes. Also high cheek bones. He has amazing exotic features. He is going to tropicana. I have a feeling he will know how to work the dance floor. And the ladies haha. Nathan thinks he's gay. Can;t argue with a gay - who's just come out!! Yay for Nathan!!! Actually he's out right now as Bi. He just lost his virginity though to a guy and tells me he wants to find a girl because god intended it that way. He's a moma's boy and a Jesus freak and I think this is our problem. He is really ashamed but keeps going back and fourth between being ashamed and having the attitude of "Yes I am a college boy in Art school baby! I'm just having fun!!!".

Ugh college is so much fun. I mean there is work too!!!!!!

10th October 2005

1:29am:

 

Fucked up the browser after writing a billion word entry AGAIN.

Your all lost in my life now. My love life. My weekend. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

 

GoDDeSSHani: I was cutting my hair in the mirror and singing foxy lady by jimi hendrix because that is my mirror theme song and they were watching so I thought i'd give them something to actually watch other than me cutting my hair and brushing my teeth and so. I don't know, maybe they think it's sexy.
GoDDeSSHani: I think she is art school bi
GoDDeSSHani: Now I feel really embaressed. I shouldn't sing in front of people.
Miles: yes u should!
GoDDeSSHani: lol
Miles: ur a good singer
GoDDeSSHani: on mtv,   nooo me????
Miles: u should sing and dance and wake ur roomate up and be like oh sorry i didnt mean to break ur beauty sleep
Miles: u need it
Miles: BAM
GoDDeSSHani: hahaha
GoDDeSSHani: lmao
GoDDeSSHani: We could have a 4 am singing party
Miles: yea :-D

9th October 2005

7:25pm: Jesse the DJ: have you ever had a male friend that you would talk to about other guys you like?
GoDDeSSHani: ummmm gay or straight?
Jesse the DJ: straight
GoDDeSSHani: I have never really had many male friends before lol
GoDDeSSHani: yeah when I was 13 there was one
Jesse the DJ: okay, well he was in love with you
GoDDeSSHani: he was 12!!!!!!!




OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Miles is coming over, we're going to get bubble tea. <3 heheheheheheheheheh I heart him. I'll tell you about my week and everything exciting from picnics to latin dancing to pillow fights with cute guys (Miles) eee

6th October 2005

6:24am: Collegiate eye candy

The journey of college. Snapshots. Photo shoots. Photos under the influence. Self portraits. ect ect.



^ Just the start of the start. Pre-south. Early September a bitter, drab, depressing 50 degrees I watched the high school buses go by and I cursed them and laughed but it brought back those awful memories. Then I drove to Savannah where there is not a 60 degree morning to be had ever.



I meet the roomates. 2/3rds of us are nice.



Hanging out with Ashley my favorite roomate.








































27th September 2005

2:27pm: Iymani told me she saw me walking home at 7:30 am sunday and she said "Uh oh I;m gonna have to watch out for this one... Where were you comin from so early??"

I bat my eyelashes angelically and say "Chuuuurch".

"Uhhh nuhh you was not comin from Church looking like that!"

Ahhhh hahahaa

21st September 2005

11:14pm: OMG I had blue hawaii bubble tea it was tres amazingggg.

I have to tell you about Chris. And Last night. And his thing for Ashley. He was really bummed I went to get bubble tea lol. It was obvious he fancied her last night when I went to hang out with Ash and him and this guy Paul (who was obviously taken by me). Chris stopped by while Ashley was out and he was soo sad and he came in to write her a note and he asked "Sooooo have you girls been, you know, talking about me since last night?"
"Actually I went to bed after last night and haven't seen Ashley that much today"
"DAMN"
"Shall I ask her about you?"
"Yes but don't just make it so obvious.... don't say sooo do you like Chris?"
"Okay, I'll be like so whatsup with those guys? Paul and Chris - they are fun what do you think?? What do you want her to say?"
"I'm head over heels for chris!!"

lol He told me about how obsessed Paul was over me after we met.

Oh chris is here again. He was scratching at the door. Now he's..... shaving. Ah. lol

he left. His shaver didn't. He's like "Well if I leave my shaver here then I have an excuse to come back..."

but he just told me his crush sort of died out - like he got weird vibes when he was eating a quesdilla.

"She's like a quesdilla I was eating.... it wanted to be with the hot sauce. But I wanted it to be with the mild. And the mild just got milder and milder.... pphhhhh" I think he was talking about her ex compared to him. lol. He says many crazed things. I think they have high chemistry though. Ashley hasn't mentioned him though as to weather she feels the same.

Okay so Ashley is one of my roomates. Alicia is my other. We have the hottest dorm room - a big screen tv we haven't got working yet, and beds with tents, and I have my clothing rack.

The other night I went to hang out with a guy and watch a movie in his dorm. It was weird... I was the only girl and they were watching Sin City. They were also getting drunk. But slowly. I think Jack (The guy I mainly came to hang with) had 6 beers before his speech started slurring, and then he'd walk around the room and trip over the stools. EHHH lol) Drinking beer after beer and kept offering me some. I had one and I had been pretending to drink it but I didn't like it. So I gave it over to a guy who chugged it!!! They asked me "What do you think of the movie?"

I didn't know what to think. Mostly I was thinking about my situation. Observing all the guys around me and how I was sitting. I noticed Jack was sketching me and everyone else. I had been secretly posing lol. Jacks roomate Jay is from Japan and he was on the computer and all the windows were pink and with japanese writing. He was on msn and I think cybering with Japanese school girls! One guy said to Jay
"Hey man hook me up with some hot asian pussy!!" He gave a confused sour look and said
"Whhhhhaaat??? heheh what are you talkin bout??"
"Hook me up man! Get me some chicks!"
"Ohhhh oh okay. I will!! But not tonight okay?? I'm tired." Then he went to bed, but he kept getting up every now and then to smoke and drink a beer.

They kept asking Jay if he though Miho from Sin City was a 'hot asian chick' and he was very confused. He said "Uhhh hahaha noooo She has a big face!! Is so big! Her face!" And he kept repeating big face.
"Her face??"
"Your right Miho does have a big face!" Said Jack
"Yeah real big face!!"

Uhhhh I was so amused. That movie was based on a comic. No wonder.

I told them "This movie.... is uhh interesting. I like the uhhh differenty style. IT'S VERY BOYISH THOUGH!!"

Hahaha Jack said "Oh yeah that's why I don't like this movie either, it's soo boyish. Ew!"

I thought they were funny and I like hanging out with guys... but I don't trust them anyway... so I had devised a whole rape prevention system and had it all planned incase the 7 of them would suddenly turn nasty and gang rape me. Or just one. 6 guys went out to write a penis on Jack's window (Who at the time didn't know it'd be a penis) and that was right when it was starting to show he was intoxicated. He came over and sat by me, sort of tripping on his way to me and therefore kind of falling on me... I had the big nest chair in the middle of the room and the guys sat on stools or on the floor. We were talking about boyfriends, and he denied any ideas I had of him being gay or art school bi. And I told him I had 309 boyfriends and he's like "I want to be number 10!!" and we talked about clubbing. He wanted to go clubbing and it was monday. He wanted to make up his own club with me. He took my hand and started to pull me to the door and told everyone we were starting our own night club. All this random stuff. I thought after I left that room I'd contract some sort of social campus disease lol. I haven't seen any of them around. Maybe it's because I never eat in the dorms!!! Hanging out with Paul and Chris I found out Jack is the infamous party boy and has the dorm to all the stuff. I admit I was nervous hanging with them in fear an ra would come by. I wasn't drinking but I would get in trouble anyway. I would hate to see Jack get expelled if he's ever caught.

Scad is a dry campus but kids find clever ways to bring things in and hide them. I have seen a few people driven away in cop cars. We are above the national average when it comes to drinking and drug abuse. We are even on the list of the 25 best schools by Kaplan. I don't think that has anything to do with the notorious parties however!!!

Also I got offered Marijuana. That was sooo shady! I was locked out of my room coming back from the pool luau and walkin g around in my towel when this car of five boys maybe pull up. I ask if they are lost. They ask if I'm an Ra and I aprehensively say no. Then they wave a joint!!! I was thinking at first "Hey cool I never seen one of those!!! Yes!! Now I fit in with the rest of the teenage population all of whom have actually been offered some sort of substance!!" But I declined the offer, duh. I'm really excited I got that opportunity though it just makes me so proud how strong I prove to myself that I am. (Because no one was ever like Here have a smoke, hey do you want coke?? I figured you only get offered shit if you actually have a social life. I never had one before college. GOD!) They said "Come in here and smoke it with us!"

So I turned them down.

I walked away wondering about what horrible things would happen if I said yes. They were probably rapists. And I wonder why did they want me to smoke? Did they just want any chick wandering around to take advantage of?? Did they think I was hot and like "Hey let's get a hot, wet, bikini-clad babe to smoke thius shit with us man!"

I walked around until I found Ashley who unlocked our room. And I got ready to go clubbing with new friends. They first club was ugh dull. Savannah night life is bizzare. We wanted to head to river st - a night life/tourist gem. Some uber thin guy walking on stilts. Men dressed in zuit suites. A drunk fat woman with a fanny pack banging into street signs and saying "That wasn't mayyyyyyyuh" (mayyyyyyyyuh = me in a southern accent)

A bunch of guys hopping out of cars all at once and getting into other cars and dealing. Fog horns.

Rumplestiltskin: one of savannah's pan handlers. Has a hunched back, legs bent inwards, walks very very crooked and has a walking stick he beats stray cats with and hits people with two.

All of this down one street we turned to and we're like "Fuck that" and ent right back into the first club. We had 'VIP' Passes for free drinks and food and the food was a plate of cold cuts and some packages of bread. I made myself a cheese sandwich.

Walking home we passed by Tropicana and we were skeptical to go in because we were tired and wearing four inch heels (except for Ethan. But I think he would have worn mine if he would fit in them!!) but the guy gave us a deal. And it was so FUN. The four of us made plans to go back this saturday, and to tell absolutely everyone we know!!!!

I signed up to be a radio DJ for Scad. I might have my own radio show yeah whoaaaaa!!!!

I have a crush on tons of people. And I know them all. Unlike high school, very very much unlike highschool!!!! I danced at the pool with one of them. Friends say he might be a cupcake, but I'm not getting that vibe. Maybe a tad. I admired his swing dancing skills. And we did the thriller. A whole bunch of us, at the luau. I see him around town and always eye him now I say hi, but I still don't know his name!! I have crushes on just about anybody. I have a crush on a guy who works at quiznos. I have been there a few times, he recognizes me awww he's so cute. I went to Leopolds today (where I get Limeades - with syrup on the side. And I always get someone different to serve it and everybody makes it differently there!) The waiter was cute and he thought it was soo funny about the syrup.

I ran into Jutin Roxo. I was riding my (Fabulous new) bike (named rosie!) and he was across the way walking in the opposite direction. Our eyes met... and I noticed he had a look of familiarity when he saw me. SO I said "Heyy I know you! We went to school together!"

Than later on that night was scad clubs night and I was wearing my hot flamenco red dress and I noticed him walking toward the entrance, I caught hi attention and introduced myself. How cool is it that two people went to the same high school but never associated with eachother or crossed paths and the run into eachother in college... in like some random state???? Yeah if we ever visit shs again (not likely for me lol) the storied we'd have!!!

I hung out with him and his friends one night too. With Megan. Megan and I were dancing in my dorm and people were watching through the window. We asked them to join us and had ourselves a dancing party!!!!

There's bellydancing at the Casbah I hear. That place is such a tourist trap. It's moroccan and has the vaguest menue ever. I think Disney's epcot had more selections!!! I don't know how the food is. Most people I talk to go there for the hookahs. Some to watch that bellydancer do that cool thing with the swords. While smoking hookahs. UHHH I'm craving hummus. The belly dancer is white - like redhead and pastey. And has that southern accent. Yeah sure, her name is Azal Nefertiti.... my ass. I just don't buy it. Epecially when she talks and says yall. But she dances well. She dances with swords and snakes. So yeah! All the belly dancers are southerners and the one they call 'laila' I heard 'Azal' call her Jen. That's not short for Laila is it???

There is lackage (shortage) of falafels here. You can't buy them under 10 dollars. WTF? They probably taste southern. Like the chinese food place that collaberates with scad - the 'Wok-Inn'. It is funky. But it's one of the very very few placess of student-friendly prices that is open past 6 pm. Quiznos closes at 8. Dinners close at 4:30 pm. Starbucks closes not until 11!!! CVS is a tard they close at 4 pm and don't open on sunday. Metro rocks and is open until whenever - usually midnight and beyond but is way out there. Well you just walk down MLK but it is fucken creepy. I live in the ghetto. I'm not kidding! Our dorms aren't ghetto - but you walk outside of the security gate and feel very very insecure. We're located in the projects. It's a five - ten minute walk downtown and it's soooo perfect but nasty people lurk around at night waiting to prey on 'the rich bohemian art kids'.

However, it is much different walking around here than on Long island. OMFG long island is worse lol!!!! I just have the memories of walking home from the late bus and having fucking frat boys and cheesy long island flaming assholes honk and drive reclussley and throw garbage at me and shout "Hey baby get in my car" I think that's a whole northern thing. Southern people are so polite. I have not got honked at or yelled at and throw garbage at walking around here. Smithtown doesn't have actual projects and there is no walking there so I guess it's always been less likely for danger to occur. I can walk without getting my ears fuckin blow off by obnoxious drivers but I do have to watch out for people on the street. They are quiet.... if they want to put you in danger they are not going to draw attention to themselves!!

It's so better here in savannah!!

I'm getting so tired. I think SCAD started the school year off with too much fun!!! The weekends here are soo enjoyable. There's always something to do on the weekends!!!!!!!!!!! I might be overbooking!!!!!

Yeah and I do work too.
9:04pm: Among all the fun times I have and cool people I meet and dance with and laugh with, I get so lonely. Like at night after class - there's nothing to do! I always miss meals. Like the cafe opens at 5 for dinner and it takes me an hour to get to my 6 class and when I get back dinner will be over! I didn't eat all day - just a few cheese-itz. I substitute those for most of my meals. I did go to quiznos today. Just for soup. The guy there was like "You must be dying for our soup!!!" I told him I was waiting all day, litterally sort of.

I spend my week anticipating the weekend when I have event after event crowding up my nights. I look foward to being with all my friends who I don't see during the week we have classes.

This weekend I'm shooting towards going to the rocky horror picture show if it doesnt sell out!! That's saturday and after that I'm going to Tropicana with Megan, Ethan, and Kristen who I went with last week when it just opened. I told everyone I know about Tropicana and I think I accidentally have 4 guys as my dates. Well they think they are my dates I never said "Come with me to Tropicana" I always say "My friends and I are going latin dancing at Tropicana!! You should come! Tell all of your friends about it!". I've never even really danced in a pair, I find it hard to follow. But a few of my guy friends I invited are hispanic, one is from Puerto Rico. They'll know all the dance moves, yeah? It'll rub off on me haha.

On Friday, at the Dyson Pool people are invited to show up and fill up the pool with the maximum occupancy - 107. I want to go it seems so fun but also nasty... being in a pool with 106 other people and there will be no room to swim and keep afloat!! And I bet a third of those people will pee in the pool, or spit in it, or snot in it ew!!! lol.

Wait, what's on thursday? Besides the end of this week's roster....

Okay the POOL is on thursday!! And on friday at club scad (the fitness center) is ball room dancing. 2-3 pm. I know friday is also the open model studio my drawing teacher is hosting. I can't draw people, it is really embaressing. I had an assignment on drawing a shoe on shoe off, and my toes looked like penises. But today I was so frazzled. I came in late because I spent too much worriying about me being starving. And I was late and I didn't bring several of my supplies. I was sooo frazzed. I think I am PMSing. Tears kept running down my eyes I felt so embarresed. So I told them my cousin died. Just last night, in a car crash. And my family called me TODAY on my way to class. Just ruining my day. I was only 5 minutes late if that - so it's not an absence. Fuck if it is. Can I still get a B in this class? I'd hate to blow my scholarship with just the first class. And a lame one at that. Drawing....... DRAWING????

Nah I sort of like drawing but it's still tedious drawing and I suck. Vilas Tonape (my professor) does point out I have a way with value. I do see that. Yes, I shade things quite well. So he's new at this school and kind of silly, the school standard of homework is 10 hours a week and that why we must have about 300 sketches at the end of this week. "Anything more than five minutes long is a drawing!!!" We have no projects this week. I have only about 19 drawings. WTF do I draw? I think everytime I draw something my self esteem goes down. By the end of this week it will have depleated 300 times.

My first reaction to First year seminar was "Oh god this is going to be a lecture class isn't it? At 9 am. FUCK" but it was interactive and I met Sue who's in my painting class and she's from Korea. I'd never guess just because she has no accent at all and perfect english, I was like "Wait.... are you just saying your from somewhere to sound cool? When you're really from... wisconson?" haha jk. Our guest speaker was the guy who runs the counselling center and gives free therepy. I think I should take advantage of this whole free therepy shit!!!! Yes! We talked about managing our stress. I notice when I'm stressed I get back pains and my jaw gets really tight when I'm stressed and in a hurry. Other things too. I fall victim to pre-mature aging under stress. I have lotions and make-up for that but I don't look younger. I use age-rewind foundation, and youthful renwance illuminating moisturizer from elizabeth arden.

College hurts. My dorm walls are cement and sharp they spackled the cement impesto style, so in my sleep I will occasionally rub against the way and rub my skin off too. My elbows get in the way of everything.

Ash and Chris are here and we're getting bubble tea!!!! Later!!!

16th September 2005

1:32am: SCAD is to die for!!

I'm having the best time.   ever.

Almost been a week. I'll fill you in on all of the excitement (when free time comes along.) OHHHHH Maybe if I don't fall asleep I'll write a little. Because then it will all begin to pile up. There's so much to say. Where do I start? I'll go on later.

Current Mood: flirty

8th September 2005

3:45am: oh ps I was awarded a 5000 dollars a year scholarship in artistic honors!!!
3:36am: college bound
I'm all packed and ready to go, everything is in the car and both parents are coming so I have to squeeze in back with all of my shoes. I have everythinmg except two important thoings I can't find, camera battery and I tore my room apart to try to find it, and chip dip (my teddy bear!!) tore my room apart again. Both mysteriously gone. My dad asked if Chip Dip is a boy or girl, I never really though about it, I said unisex. I miss chip dip. OMG I just found my camera battery. It was on the printer. STUPID. Ugh now where is chip dip? Anyway, no time. . I'm not avoiding people!! Just not had time to write. I'm leaving. NOW. Right Now. Driving to Savannah

bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6th September 2005

12:47pm: hey I won a trip to the Bahamas. And my mom just found the prom dvd she's more excited about that. I said "I was there I don't want to watch it all over again on dvd...." There's an edited one and an uncut version. I'm guessing the uncut version is like underage porn or something. No way am I watching that.
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